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S3, E42 Amal: A Magnificent Millennial

30-year-old Amal White is a social worker by trade, but considers herself to be an activist who centers the struggles of Black women in her work. In this episode she talks about why she tells younger millennials that “adulthood is the ghetto.” According to Amal, the womanhood she’s experienced over the last decade has looked nothing like the womanhood she envisioned when she was a teenager. She thought she’d be married by twenty-one and mothering her first child by twenty-three. Amal talks about how messaging from the single women in her family and society in general caused her to think of marriage and motherhood as expectations of adulthood instead of choices one makes when becoming an adult. Amal also shares how easy it is to succumb to the pressure many women feel to shrink themselves for acceptance. “We’re not encouraged to be who we really are,” she says. “And when we are who we are, we’re seen as problematic.” Amal cites examples of ending relationships with good men and needing the freedom of mobility as ways in which she has been made to feel like she wants too much. When asked what she wished she could gift other women in her peer group, she doesn’t hesitate and says, “The courage to be their authentic selves. No one is going to let you be you. You really do have to take it.”

Listen to the entire episode below and then subscribe where you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E41: Tameshia Found More of Herself Living Abroad

Entrepreneur and traveler, Tameshia Ridge started her international life like many millennials: she did a study abroad program that placed her in East Africa. In this episode, she explains how her ambition to eventually become a diplomat shifted once she had spent some time interning with the Rwandan government. Having connected with No Thanks: Black, Female and Living in The Martyr-Free Zone, Tameshia shares that the questions which propelled Keturah to move abroad were the same questions that inspired her to leave Rwanda and relocate to the west side of Africa. Noting that much of the book resonated with her, Tameshia focuses on the theme that unlike what many assume, working in Africa wasn’t transformative, missionary work. She expresses how ridiculous such an assumption is, particularly, when you are an educated American expat. “You end up trading one system of oppression (racism) for another. In Africa, that’s classism.” Being honest about the western privilege many Black American expats won’t talk about, Tameshia explains that she’s been able to accomplish so much overseas because of her passport privilege. To further her mission to debunk myths about being Black and American in Africa, she is candid when girlfriends ask her about moving to the continent to find their African king and get citizenship. “I only have my story about dating and what I know is factual about Ghana’s right to abode laws.” Tameshia also probes Keturah about a sentence in No Thanks in which she refers to her time abroad better equipping her for “self-salvation.” This leads into an insightful discussion about how it becomes easier to own your truth when you are constantly confronted with a culture that challenges who you are at your very core. Tameshia thanks Keturah for writing No Thanks, stating, “If I had this book eight years ago when I first moved to Africa, it would have made my landing a bit easier. I would have had the language for what I was feeling and experiencing.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E40: Soul Sisters Book Club Discussion

Keturah Kendrick chats with The Soul Sisters Book Club about No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Based in Tennessee, the group discusses how they identified with Keturah’s observations about how marriage is dangled in front of single women like a carrot and the condescension that results when you are a single woman who doesn’t really care about that carrot. Several members share their own stories of not desiring marriage and having their words questioned, their values judged. Because of this, the group discusses in depth how often black women, in particular, aren’t believed. Whether it is about their own condition or even their pain, there is a persistent denial that the black woman herself is telling the truth about her existence. The club also asks Keturah questions about being an atheist and probe her for greater detail about living abroad. One member talks about defending her own nonbelief to a stranger in the grocery store and how this, too, is another aspect of black womanhood that is not believed as one’s truth. There is discussion of how many women around the world don’t know their own worth and Keturah shares anecdotes of women she’s met in her travels who succumb to the message that they are either not enough or too much. The women also probe Keturah about the candor in her essays about living in Rwanda and China. From loneliness to western privilege to still having to navigate white foolishness, Keturah goes into greater depth about what the expat life is like for single, black women abroad. Moderated by performance artist, speaker and reader, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, the women discuss the depth of the book’s content with laughter and lightness. “I love that this book gives you the sense that whatever you feel in your heart is okay,” a soul sister says. “And the older I get, the more that is me.”

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S2, E39: Angela Finds Freedom in Options

Leader of the Sistahs in the Story Book Club, Angela Smith goes into greater detail about connections she had to No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Referring to stories from the book club discussion in episodes 37 and 38, Angela explains how the female members of her family accosted her at a cookout because she was approaching her 40s and didn’t have children. She shares why she believes even her closest friends have questioned her choice to remain childfree: they never considered any other option for themselves and her presence shows them that there were many. Angela also retells the story of choosing to end a long-term relationship instead of following her boyfriend of 14 years across the country. She reflects on how shocked her boyfriend was when she said she had no interest in uprooting her life and moving to another state. This leads into a discussion about the outdated mindset that a woman’s greatest desire is to be chosen by a good man. Angela notes that it has only been a few decades since women could not even get a credit card without a husband’s signature. Therefore, she is unsurprised that her former beau assumed she would move away with him so he would continue to choose her. Angela is unbothered by what people assume she should do. A true free black woman, she casually says, “I find freedom in having options. And as long as there are options out there to have, I will keep taking them.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E38: Sistahs in the Story Book Club (Part 2)

Continuing the conversation from episode 37, Keturah chats with The Sistahs in the Story Book Club. The Chicago-based readers share even more personal connections to “No Thanks: Black, Female and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone.” Two of the women share how much they identified with the book’s theme of being content with their lives enough not to uproot them simply because their romantic partner wanted to marry. One member talks about not following her long-term partner across the country when he was offered a job opportunity. Another sistah chimes in with her story of letting her then-fiance know it was not worth it for her to sell her house and uproot her children just to relocate to another state because her future husband had an opportunity there. There is also extensive discussion about how easy it is not to see the shaming that occurs when Black women, particularly, choose themselves over children and husbands. Moderator, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, brings the discussion to a close by getting final thoughts from Keturah and the book club members. Keturah expresses her wish that we allow for a wider array of narratives to be given value in Black and mainstream culture so people don’t have to spend most of their lives trying to find the courage to own their truth. The Sistahs in the Story Book Club expresses their gratitude one last time for the gift of No Thanks. “You say give this book to a 20-year-old college student,” one of the ladies reflects. “But no, I’m not waiting that long. I’m giving it to the 15-year-old girls in the group I mentor so they can know early on it is okay not to want what everyone says they should want.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E37: Sistahs in the Story Book Club (Part 1)

Keturah Kendrick chats with The Sistahs in the Story Book Club about No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Based in Illinois, the group of friends wanted to talk about why they identified with certain themes, had questions about others and general thoughts on the book’s importance and relevance. Moderated by performance artist, speaker and reader, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, the women discuss the depth of the book’s content with laughter and lightness. One sistah shares her story of her 21-year-old self marrying the father of her child even though her gut was telling her it was a huge mistake. “He was a liar and a cheater and I knew it and still married him anyway. That’s really sad.” Another sistah entertains the group with her story of being cornered at a family cookout and told by the women in her family it was time for her to start using her womb for the reason God had given it to her. “They called my grandma over too and all of a sudden it turned into this whole thing where everyone was dissecting what was wrong with me because I didn’t want kids.” Sprinkled in with anecdotes from Keturah’s own experiences while on book tour and Kimberly’s personal choices that have also caused pushback in her church community and others, The Sistahs in the Story Book Club probe deep into the messages of No Thanks and courageously share their connections to it.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E36: Ola Curates a Library For Free Black Women

Artist, reader, black feminist and self-described “book fairy,” Ola Ronke started the Free Black Women’s Library four years ago. With the impetus of wanting to create a space for black women to share and read works by other black women, she began collecting books and reaching out to friends for donations. On this episode, Ola boasts that she stopped counting the books once they reached 1200. She has books from different genres, different writing styles, different world perspectives. The only common link between each book is the author is a black woman. Each month, the library is at a different location in New York City (mostly in Brooklyn) and Ola curates discussions, workshops and author talks when the library makes its next stop. In addition to enhancing the literary lives of the readers who follow the library wherever it goes, Ola feels taking on this labor of love has given her so much as well. She talks about how it expanded her reading palate and opened her up to genres of literature she never even considered exploring. She feels it lights a fire in her to see through her 1200 books just how diverse in experiences and talents black women are. Running the Free Black Women’s Library has also forced Ola to become bolder and more assertive, which were not a part of her personality four years ago. She’s emailed some of the leading authors of today, asking them to come and speak at the library. Most of them graciously take her up on the invitation. Ola also talks about her mission in life and how it fits with what she is doing with the library and her work as an artist. She wants to create and celebrate beauty. She describes creativity as her super power so “I am fueled to create beauty, joy and love. And sensuality and pleasure are part of that creation as well.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E35: Montyy is Comfortable with Not Being Included

Host of the bold and unapologetic podcast, Comfortably Excluded, Montyy Taj grew up often being the “only one.” She was bussed into a “better” school district and enrolled in Advanced Placement courses so she became used to being the Black kid who was excluded from the social network whiteness and middle class status bring. In addition to her podcast, Montyy is also working on a documentary, Running with My Girls, about women of color in Denver who are campaigning for political office. In this episode, Montyy explains how the idea for her podcast was born out of her journey to get comfortable with not being included in spaces that were unwelcoming to her. She brings on guests who have found a way to create thriving lives for themselves in spaces where they are not organically included and also shares her perspectives on pop culture happenings. Her goal is to move the show in a slightly different direction, featuring the voices of Black Denver residents, specifically, whose presence in the city is often invisible as white power structures actively seek to erase them. Montyy also shares her frustration with the silence surrounding the invisibility of Black queer and transwomen. Since she grounds her own work in the Black community, it is difficult for her to reconcile the community’s allegiance to the safety and humanity of the heterosexual male with its indifference to the record number of murders of queer and transwomen. She connects this apathy to how deeply engrained patriarchal structures are in every aspect of society – its grip on socially conservative Black folk especially tight. This truth makes Montyy all the more aware of how difficult it is for a Black woman to claim freedom. “It is a moving target, an ever going, uphill battle – especially for the Black woman,” she says. “But, I find freedom when I take back my narrative and give myself permission to find my own way.”

Listen to the episode below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E34: Phoenix Stopped Caring and Started Creating

31-year-old Phoenix Williams dropped out of college seven years ago to follow her dream of becoming a fulltime author. Having now published many books and established a platform as a speaker and lecturer, she has no regrets. On this episode, she talks about giving herself permission to live her truth. She writes for black women who are still stuck in what they “should” do or “should” be, hoping that the characters she creates will give these women the courage to stop caring about all the “shoulds.” Readers of her erotica often comment on how the stories helped them embrace their sexuality and be honest with their partners about what they wanted. Getting her readers to be more honest with themselves is part of Phoenix’s mission. In one of her most popular series, she makes sure there is at least one character who is going to therapy and is supported by friends and family in their decision to do so. She wants to destigmatize seeking out mental health services in the black community. She also wants her characters to get her readers to be more honest with the people they love. “I am living my best life right now,” Phoenix laughs. “But sometimes you need help to live your best life. You need to actually be honest with the people you love, too.” Since many read to see themselves in the stories that authors tell, Phoenix has been intentional in showing her loyal followers Black women who are being authentic and bold. Characters who are connected to people and resources who will help them be the best versions of themselves. It is Phoenix’s wish that her readers model their example.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

S2, E33: Cole Travels the World Alone and With Sisterfriends

Travel Enthusiast and Accidental Entrepreneur, Cole Banks started Sisters Traveling Solo as a Facebook group. It was her response to an internet debate that discouraged Black women, particularly, from traveling the world unaccompanied. In this episode, Cole talks about the overnight success of that Facebook group. She had to quit a good job (that she enjoyed) unexpectantly when she went from hosting five trips in one year to putting together a team that organized twenty before the year ended. Cole shares that Sisters Traveling Solo is now much more than a Facebook group and successful business. It is a platform for Black women to share their joy exploring the world on their own and to build community for when they want to be in Peru with twenty other Black women in addition to sightseeing in Spain alone. She says that the fear family and friends often project onto single women when they get wanderlust is not allowed in the Facebook group that now boasts 70,000 members. She and her team have worked hard to create a space where statements like, “I am afraid to go here” don’t pop up in threads. Instead, the group has an abundance of “I took my first solo trip and I loved it!” posts that garner hundreds of support responses and impromptu trips among the members. In addition to sharing how much joy she gets from watching total strangers become best friends over the course of a week-long trip, Cole is honest about the amount of time and work she has to do to make sure her customers never see or feel how much has gone into their seamless trips. She talks about the realities of having this new good job (that she enjoys) in which she is “on vacation” more times than she is at home. While she is filled with gratitude for how well her business is doing, she admits she’s trying to find balance between organizing others’ memorable vacations and having enough free time to go on her own, even if it’s just to relax without a phone or laptop for a few days. All in all, she is content with her choice to leave her cushy job. “I don’t ever forget I have the life many people dream of,” Cole states. “I set my own schedule and make my own rules. I am always having a new experience in a different part of the world. I know that is no small thing.” It is also no small thing that she has turned this dream job into a million-dollar company in only three years.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.