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S3, E45 Ama: A Magnificent Millennial

A native New Yorker, Ama Gyamerah currently lives in California where she works in the film industry. With parents from Ghana and a network of women from the African diaspora, Ama formed a strong identity as a young girl of color before she was even in high school. On this episode, she talks about the shock to her system that was adulthood. Having attended an all-girls’ high school in East Harlem where everyone looked like her and believed in her, she didn’t quite know how to navigate the assumptions made about her once she went to a predominantly white university in a town that didn’t mirror the diversity of New York City. She shares micro-aggressions endured at the hands of white roommates and overt racist vitriol spewed on social media platforms during the height of the Black Lives Matter movement. Post-college, she was confronted with the reality of bills and entry level jobs that didn’t always cover all those bills. It was through these brand new traumatic experiences that Ama learned the true meaning of self-care. She began to practice the skill of pulling back from “the struggle” when said struggle was draining. Instead of always being in warrior mode, she learned to pour into herself. Because Ama’s older sister is a strong proponent of utilizing mental health services, Ama was also able to access consistent therapy. Because her mother and the other women who raised her had deeply entrenched West African values, the idea of having any other comfort for mental anguish outside of God was unfamiliar to her. She credits her sister’s wisdom and worldliness for exposing her to such a life-transformative resource. When Ama reflects on a narrative about Black womanhood she has come to challenge, it is the belief that Black women always have to be strong. She has always been a very emotional and sensitive person and grew up hearing that she needed to toughen up. “I don’t think it’s true that being sensitive and emotional are weaknesses,” she says. “I feel deeply and am not strong in the way people think Black women are supposed to be. I think vulnerability is important and doesn’t need to be corrected.”

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S2, E41: Tameshia Found More of Herself Living Abroad

Entrepreneur and traveler, Tameshia Ridge started her international life like many millennials: she did a study abroad program that placed her in East Africa. In this episode, she explains how her ambition to eventually become a diplomat shifted once she had spent some time interning with the Rwandan government. Having connected with No Thanks: Black, Female and Living in The Martyr-Free Zone, Tameshia shares that the questions which propelled Keturah to move abroad were the same questions that inspired her to leave Rwanda and relocate to the west side of Africa. Noting that much of the book resonated with her, Tameshia focuses on the theme that unlike what many assume, working in Africa wasn’t transformative, missionary work. She expresses how ridiculous such an assumption is, particularly, when you are an educated American expat. “You end up trading one system of oppression (racism) for another. In Africa, that’s classism.” Being honest about the western privilege many Black American expats won’t talk about, Tameshia explains that she’s been able to accomplish so much overseas because of her passport privilege. To further her mission to debunk myths about being Black and American in Africa, she is candid when girlfriends ask her about moving to the continent to find their African king and get citizenship. “I only have my story about dating and what I know is factual about Ghana’s right to abode laws.” Tameshia also probes Keturah about a sentence in No Thanks in which she refers to her time abroad better equipping her for “self-salvation.” This leads into an insightful discussion about how it becomes easier to own your truth when you are constantly confronted with a culture that challenges who you are at your very core. Tameshia thanks Keturah for writing No Thanks, stating, “If I had this book eight years ago when I first moved to Africa, it would have made my landing a bit easier. I would have had the language for what I was feeling and experiencing.”

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S2, E40: Soul Sisters Book Club Discussion

Keturah Kendrick chats with The Soul Sisters Book Club about No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Based in Tennessee, the group discusses how they identified with Keturah’s observations about how marriage is dangled in front of single women like a carrot and the condescension that results when you are a single woman who doesn’t really care about that carrot. Several members share their own stories of not desiring marriage and having their words questioned, their values judged. Because of this, the group discusses in depth how often black women, in particular, aren’t believed. Whether it is about their own condition or even their pain, there is a persistent denial that the black woman herself is telling the truth about her existence. The club also asks Keturah questions about being an atheist and probe her for greater detail about living abroad. One member talks about defending her own nonbelief to a stranger in the grocery store and how this, too, is another aspect of black womanhood that is not believed as one’s truth. There is discussion of how many women around the world don’t know their own worth and Keturah shares anecdotes of women she’s met in her travels who succumb to the message that they are either not enough or too much. The women also probe Keturah about the candor in her essays about living in Rwanda and China. From loneliness to western privilege to still having to navigate white foolishness, Keturah goes into greater depth about what the expat life is like for single, black women abroad. Moderated by performance artist, speaker and reader, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, the women discuss the depth of the book’s content with laughter and lightness. “I love that this book gives you the sense that whatever you feel in your heart is okay,” a soul sister says. “And the older I get, the more that is me.”

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S2, E38: Sistahs in the Story Book Club (Part 2)

Continuing the conversation from episode 37, Keturah chats with The Sistahs in the Story Book Club. The Chicago-based readers share even more personal connections to “No Thanks: Black, Female and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone.” Two of the women share how much they identified with the book’s theme of being content with their lives enough not to uproot them simply because their romantic partner wanted to marry. One member talks about not following her long-term partner across the country when he was offered a job opportunity. Another sistah chimes in with her story of letting her then-fiance know it was not worth it for her to sell her house and uproot her children just to relocate to another state because her future husband had an opportunity there. There is also extensive discussion about how easy it is not to see the shaming that occurs when Black women, particularly, choose themselves over children and husbands. Moderator, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, brings the discussion to a close by getting final thoughts from Keturah and the book club members. Keturah expresses her wish that we allow for a wider array of narratives to be given value in Black and mainstream culture so people don’t have to spend most of their lives trying to find the courage to own their truth. The Sistahs in the Story Book Club expresses their gratitude one last time for the gift of No Thanks. “You say give this book to a 20-year-old college student,” one of the ladies reflects. “But no, I’m not waiting that long. I’m giving it to the 15-year-old girls in the group I mentor so they can know early on it is okay not to want what everyone says they should want.”

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S2, E37: Sistahs in the Story Book Club (Part 1)

Keturah Kendrick chats with The Sistahs in the Story Book Club about No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Based in Illinois, the group of friends wanted to talk about why they identified with certain themes, had questions about others and general thoughts on the book’s importance and relevance. Moderated by performance artist, speaker and reader, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, the women discuss the depth of the book’s content with laughter and lightness. One sistah shares her story of her 21-year-old self marrying the father of her child even though her gut was telling her it was a huge mistake. “He was a liar and a cheater and I knew it and still married him anyway. That’s really sad.” Another sistah entertains the group with her story of being cornered at a family cookout and told by the women in her family it was time for her to start using her womb for the reason God had given it to her. “They called my grandma over too and all of a sudden it turned into this whole thing where everyone was dissecting what was wrong with me because I didn’t want kids.” Sprinkled in with anecdotes from Keturah’s own experiences while on book tour and Kimberly’s personal choices that have also caused pushback in her church community and others, The Sistahs in the Story Book Club probe deep into the messages of No Thanks and courageously share their connections to it.

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S2, E36: Ola Curates a Library For Free Black Women

Artist, reader, black feminist and self-described “book fairy,” Ola Ronke started the Free Black Women’s Library four years ago. With the impetus of wanting to create a space for black women to share and read works by other black women, she began collecting books and reaching out to friends for donations. On this episode, Ola boasts that she stopped counting the books once they reached 1200. She has books from different genres, different writing styles, different world perspectives. The only common link between each book is the author is a black woman. Each month, the library is at a different location in New York City (mostly in Brooklyn) and Ola curates discussions, workshops and author talks when the library makes its next stop. In addition to enhancing the literary lives of the readers who follow the library wherever it goes, Ola feels taking on this labor of love has given her so much as well. She talks about how it expanded her reading palate and opened her up to genres of literature she never even considered exploring. She feels it lights a fire in her to see through her 1200 books just how diverse in experiences and talents black women are. Running the Free Black Women’s Library has also forced Ola to become bolder and more assertive, which were not a part of her personality four years ago. She’s emailed some of the leading authors of today, asking them to come and speak at the library. Most of them graciously take her up on the invitation. Ola also talks about her mission in life and how it fits with what she is doing with the library and her work as an artist. She wants to create and celebrate beauty. She describes creativity as her super power so “I am fueled to create beauty, joy and love. And sensuality and pleasure are part of that creation as well.”

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S2, E35: Montyy is Comfortable with Not Being Included

Host of the bold and unapologetic podcast, Comfortably Excluded, Montyy Taj grew up often being the “only one.” She was bussed into a “better” school district and enrolled in Advanced Placement courses so she became used to being the Black kid who was excluded from the social network whiteness and middle class status bring. In addition to her podcast, Montyy is also working on a documentary, Running with My Girls, about women of color in Denver who are campaigning for political office. In this episode, Montyy explains how the idea for her podcast was born out of her journey to get comfortable with not being included in spaces that were unwelcoming to her. She brings on guests who have found a way to create thriving lives for themselves in spaces where they are not organically included and also shares her perspectives on pop culture happenings. Her goal is to move the show in a slightly different direction, featuring the voices of Black Denver residents, specifically, whose presence in the city is often invisible as white power structures actively seek to erase them. Montyy also shares her frustration with the silence surrounding the invisibility of Black queer and transwomen. Since she grounds her own work in the Black community, it is difficult for her to reconcile the community’s allegiance to the safety and humanity of the heterosexual male with its indifference to the record number of murders of queer and transwomen. She connects this apathy to how deeply engrained patriarchal structures are in every aspect of society – its grip on socially conservative Black folk especially tight. This truth makes Montyy all the more aware of how difficult it is for a Black woman to claim freedom. “It is a moving target, an ever going, uphill battle – especially for the Black woman,” she says. “But, I find freedom when I take back my narrative and give myself permission to find my own way.”

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S2, E34: Phoenix Stopped Caring and Started Creating

31-year-old Phoenix Williams dropped out of college seven years ago to follow her dream of becoming a fulltime author. Having now published many books and established a platform as a speaker and lecturer, she has no regrets. On this episode, she talks about giving herself permission to live her truth. She writes for black women who are still stuck in what they “should” do or “should” be, hoping that the characters she creates will give these women the courage to stop caring about all the “shoulds.” Readers of her erotica often comment on how the stories helped them embrace their sexuality and be honest with their partners about what they wanted. Getting her readers to be more honest with themselves is part of Phoenix’s mission. In one of her most popular series, she makes sure there is at least one character who is going to therapy and is supported by friends and family in their decision to do so. She wants to destigmatize seeking out mental health services in the black community. She also wants her characters to get her readers to be more honest with the people they love. “I am living my best life right now,” Phoenix laughs. “But sometimes you need help to live your best life. You need to actually be honest with the people you love, too.” Since many read to see themselves in the stories that authors tell, Phoenix has been intentional in showing her loyal followers Black women who are being authentic and bold. Characters who are connected to people and resources who will help them be the best versions of themselves. It is Phoenix’s wish that her readers model their example.

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S2, E33: Cole Travels the World Alone and With Sisterfriends

Travel Enthusiast and Accidental Entrepreneur, Cole Banks started Sisters Traveling Solo as a Facebook group. It was her response to an internet debate that discouraged Black women, particularly, from traveling the world unaccompanied. In this episode, Cole talks about the overnight success of that Facebook group. She had to quit a good job (that she enjoyed) unexpectantly when she went from hosting five trips in one year to putting together a team that organized twenty before the year ended. Cole shares that Sisters Traveling Solo is now much more than a Facebook group and successful business. It is a platform for Black women to share their joy exploring the world on their own and to build community for when they want to be in Peru with twenty other Black women in addition to sightseeing in Spain alone. She says that the fear family and friends often project onto single women when they get wanderlust is not allowed in the Facebook group that now boasts 70,000 members. She and her team have worked hard to create a space where statements like, “I am afraid to go here” don’t pop up in threads. Instead, the group has an abundance of “I took my first solo trip and I loved it!” posts that garner hundreds of support responses and impromptu trips among the members. In addition to sharing how much joy she gets from watching total strangers become best friends over the course of a week-long trip, Cole is honest about the amount of time and work she has to do to make sure her customers never see or feel how much has gone into their seamless trips. She talks about the realities of having this new good job (that she enjoys) in which she is “on vacation” more times than she is at home. While she is filled with gratitude for how well her business is doing, she admits she’s trying to find balance between organizing others’ memorable vacations and having enough free time to go on her own, even if it’s just to relax without a phone or laptop for a few days. All in all, she is content with her choice to leave her cushy job. “I don’t ever forget I have the life many people dream of,” Cole states. “I set my own schedule and make my own rules. I am always having a new experience in a different part of the world. I know that is no small thing.” It is also no small thing that she has turned this dream job into a million-dollar company in only three years.

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S2, E32: Chineka Found Her Tribe in China

A native of Chicago, Chineka Nikko is at her happiest when she is inspiring others to be their best self and shining her positive light on the accomplishments of women who do the same. A poet, inspirational speaker and all around giving human being, she has seen her work and platform as an artist grow since moving to China. In this episode, she shares how her first experience living overseas was through military service and her current experience came after having no other choice but to leave Chicago. A sudden job loss along with an invitation from an old friend to move to Asia were the perfect combination for Chineka to start a new life. She has no regrets and feels it is the best decision she’s ever made. She has had no trouble finding work and has seen what was once a glorified hobby turn into a platform as a speaker and poet. She explains how quickly things happen in China and how many times what she thought of as a small, community event at which she had been asked to speak turned out to be a “big deal with news crews and cameras and more people asking me to write other stuff for them.” Chineka also addresses what is a recurring question by family and friends back home: “But, are there Black people in China, though?” She laughs as she cites all the Black people she has met from all across the diaspora since moving to China. She tries to be humble as she says she has about a hundred friends who, at any given moment, would offer her their bed, food, money and even a job if she needed it. She quickly confesses she low balled the number and has more like two hundred members of her tribe; the vast majority of them are Black. Though she had (and still has) a supportive network of people in Chicago, something about her network in China has resulted in Chineka being free to explore a much fuller version of herself. “It’s almost like I am living in a dream. It’s hard to explain, but I have accomplished and grown so much in my three years here. I have had to force myself to slow down.”

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