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S3, E48 Marianne: A Magnificent Millennial

Ethiopian by birth, but raised in Rwanda, Marianne Mesfin Asfaw has committed her professional life and her personal projects to gender equality on the continent she calls home. On this episode, she talks about how her job with an international women’s rights organization and her involvement with a collective of largely African feminists have informed how she navigates the world as a young feminist with global experiences. Marianne shares that her background as a global citizen began as early as her teens – where she studied in the West and lived with her sisters. She explains that such an early taste of independence makes it difficult now to deal with older people who don’t take her seriously just because she’s in her twenties. Having returned to Rwanda in the past year, she also is finding it difficult to deal with the suggestion that she devote more time to preparing for marriage or otherwise tailoring her behavior to fit the cultural standards of a young woman who is on the marriage market. Marianne shares stories of professional conversations with mentor figures turning into guidance on how to seek a life partner, older women dismissing her indifference to starting a family with edicts that “you’ll get over that,” and the occasional free spirited auntie showing her how to push back against such restrictive cultural norms. Marianne also shares how her studies in gender politics and her maturity as a young adult have caused her to critique pop culture and the media she consumed as a high school student. She even reflects more seriously on what her work in women’s rights has shown her about how much danger and fear large segments of women around the world must navigate on a daily basis. “As a young woman who does feminist work,” Marianne explains, “I am aware of how much we have to think about our own safety.” Marianne then goes on to cite what it would take for her to be able to claim the title of free. “I always wonder what it would be like to feel safe and not have to calculate my every move to avoid potential harm. I think once we have that for more women, I would feel free.”

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S3, E42 Amal: A Magnificent Millennial

30-year-old Amal White is a social worker by trade, but considers herself to be an activist who centers the struggles of Black women in her work. In this episode she talks about why she tells younger millennials that “adulthood is the ghetto.” According to Amal, the womanhood she’s experienced over the last decade has looked nothing like the womanhood she envisioned when she was a teenager. She thought she’d be married by twenty-one and mothering her first child by twenty-three. Amal talks about how messaging from the single women in her family and society in general caused her to think of marriage and motherhood as expectations of adulthood instead of choices one makes when becoming an adult. Amal also shares how easy it is to succumb to the pressure many women feel to shrink themselves for acceptance. “We’re not encouraged to be who we really are,” she says. “And when we are who we are, we’re seen as problematic.” Amal cites examples of ending relationships with good men and needing the freedom of mobility as ways in which she has been made to feel like she wants too much. When asked what she wished she could gift other women in her peer group, she doesn’t hesitate and says, “The courage to be their authentic selves. No one is going to let you be you. You really do have to take it.”

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S2, E41: Tameshia Found More of Herself Living Abroad

Entrepreneur and traveler, Tameshia Ridge started her international life like many millennials: she did a study abroad program that placed her in East Africa. In this episode, she explains how her ambition to eventually become a diplomat shifted once she had spent some time interning with the Rwandan government. Having connected with No Thanks: Black, Female and Living in The Martyr-Free Zone, Tameshia shares that the questions which propelled Keturah to move abroad were the same questions that inspired her to leave Rwanda and relocate to the west side of Africa. Noting that much of the book resonated with her, Tameshia focuses on the theme that unlike what many assume, working in Africa wasn’t transformative, missionary work. She expresses how ridiculous such an assumption is, particularly, when you are an educated American expat. “You end up trading one system of oppression (racism) for another. In Africa, that’s classism.” Being honest about the western privilege many Black American expats won’t talk about, Tameshia explains that she’s been able to accomplish so much overseas because of her passport privilege. To further her mission to debunk myths about being Black and American in Africa, she is candid when girlfriends ask her about moving to the continent to find their African king and get citizenship. “I only have my story about dating and what I know is factual about Ghana’s right to abode laws.” Tameshia also probes Keturah about a sentence in No Thanks in which she refers to her time abroad better equipping her for “self-salvation.” This leads into an insightful discussion about how it becomes easier to own your truth when you are constantly confronted with a culture that challenges who you are at your very core. Tameshia thanks Keturah for writing No Thanks, stating, “If I had this book eight years ago when I first moved to Africa, it would have made my landing a bit easier. I would have had the language for what I was feeling and experiencing.”

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Bonus: Donna, the Global Citizen, is Back!

On episode 6, Donnalee Donaldson shared her journey to global citizenship, which started when she left Jamaica at sixteen and headed to the United States. She eventually found her way to Rwanda in East Africa. On this episode, she returns to share her adventures traveling to over twenty African nations in the five years she has called Kigali, Rwanda home. From her deeply spiritual backpacking trip across Ethiopia to partying in Uganda to reveling in the traces of Jamaica she found in Ghana, Donna speaks passionately about all that Africa has to offer the traveler who is open to experiences beyond safari. She also debunks common myths about the continent, including one prevalent among black travelers who romanticize the motherland.  Committed to highlighting the excellence overflowing in many African nations, Donna hosts the podcast, Diaspora Diaries, which highlights innovators, influencers and entrepreneurs who call Africa home.

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Bonus: Doreen, the Childfree African, is Back!

On episode 2, Doreen Yomoah shared her insights about being an African woman who has chosen not to have children. She also shared stories of how rejecting motherhood was just one way of rejecting patriarchal expectations that are placed on the shoulders of African women. Returning for a deeper dive into the childfree-by-choice life, she uses this episode to explain why she believes more African women are not vocal about not wanting children. She also further connects the assumption that women are just natural caregivers to socialization by explaining how her day job involves researching these assumptions about gender and what it biologically predetermines. She talks about how most people do not notice the intense pronatalist propaganda in their communities because they see the adulthood = parenthood narrative as just the default. A discussion about Michelle Obama’s wildly successful memoir also sparks an analysis of how attached many cultures are to the expectation that women do the heavy lifting of parenting. “Aside from the stigma of if you are a woman, you must have a child, we need to address the other stigma of if you are a man, you are just supposed to be the breadwinner and taking care of children is not your role,” Doreen says. “Both narratives are different sides of the same coin.”

Doreen has great insights and is always a wonderful guest. If this episode is still not enough for you, check out her blog, The Childfree African and her podcast, We Can’t Keep Quiet.

Ep 2: Doreen Has Freed Herself From African Patriarchy

Creater of the blog, The Childfree African, Doreen Yomoah shares her journey to non-motherhood. At 23, she realized that she did not want what a good Ghanaian girl was supposed to want: children. Though she only spent the first year of her life in Ghana, Doreen was well aware of the cultural pressure African women experienced to give their husbands babies. This pressure did not escape any African woman regardless of where she lived throughout the diaspora. She speaks about creating the blog as a way to connect with other young African women who felt as she did and to bring awareness of the African voice to the Childfree blogosphere – a world that remains overwhelmingly white. Doreen shares anecdotes of aunties and uncles demanding she have babies and potential suitors telling her she had no right to decide she would not have children without first having a husband. She connects these encounters to other patriarchal expectations she flouted when she chose to go back to Ghana as an adult. “I will not concern myself with who African patriarchy believes I should be,” Doreen says. “I will just be me.”

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