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Ep 17: Evita’s Non-Monogamous Marriage Has Made Her A Better Partner

Evita Sawyers and her husband did not drag either one into a polyamorous lifestyle. They were both curious about the love structure and experimented in some form of ethical non-monogamy together before deciding that they would pursue committed relationships outside of their marriage. On this episode, Evita shares what she has learned about herself through non-monogamy and how she has unpacked toxic narratives about love unquestioned monogamy can sometimes perpetuate. Because she has multiple partners, she has learned that she can have a huge sense of entitlement about what she is owed because of the position she holds in a relationship. She realized she had anger management issues as well and thought of her children as her property instead of their own selves separate from her. According to Evita, the most toxic notion about partnership that polyamory has helped her unpack is the concept of one person having to be all things for you. One person having to be your everything. She feels polyamory puts control of her needs back in her hands where it belongs. And she has given back the control of her partners’ needs back to them. While not one to place polyamory on any hierarchy of love structures, Evita does credit it with helping her find peace and contentment by herself. Even with a husband, a boyfriend and a girlfriend, there are still times when Evita will only have Evita’s company on any given evening. “That is the greatest gift ethical non-monogamy has given me,” Evita says. “It’s taught me that the number one person who can fulfill my needs is myself.”

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Ep 1: Shira Does Not Do Monogamy

Shira Obasuyi chats about growing up in a polyamorous family. She shares stories of the women in her family teaching her to value her relationship with herself over her relationships with any and all of her partners. She also explains why even though she never tried to force herself into the box of monogamy, entering the adult world where this structure was largely practiced did create struggles to relate to people she cared about, but could not understand. “I discovered that in monogamy, a partner will have lots of insecurities that they want you to fix,” she says. “My parents never talked about love the way I was hearing monogamous people define it.”

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