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Ep 7: Ebony Won’t Be Birthing Babies (Yes, Her Husband Knows)

When 35-year-old Ebony Murphy-Root reflects on her childhood and young adulthood, she can not recall a moment when motherhood was a role she desired. What does remain prominent in her mind are memories of her father’s sister who was unmarried with no children. A homeowner with a good job and a full social calendar, Ebony’s aunt was always laughing and off to do something that looked fun and exciting. It left an impression on young Ebony who relished the time she spent with her auntie. In this episode, Ebony challenges the myth that no man will marry a woman who does not want to have his children. She met her husband when she was 26-years-old and they found common ground on wanting a childfree life early into their courtship. Even before meeting Mr. Murphy-Root, Ebony says dating did not present her with anymore challenges than the usual ones for young women. She dated across racial lines and was never one to present herself as someone she was not. As a result, she was not short of gentlemen callers. Ebony also shares her perspective on why black women, particularly, are met with pushback and judgment when they are vocal about having no desire to mother. “In black communities, the belief that a woman’s resources – her time, her energy, her money – are community property is much more pronounced than it is in mainstream culture,” Ebony explains. “So when you say you are opting out of the biggest way to suck up all of a woman’s resources, people definitely will feel a certain type of way. Especially since many believe black women are not even entitled to have choices in the first place.” Ebony remains unbothered by people’s feelings, of course. She knows she is not the first black woman to live a life many believe she has no right to live. Nor will she be the last.

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