Home » singlewomen

Tag: singlewomen

S3, E43 Adanna: A Magnificent Millennial

23-year-old Adanna Perry is fresh out of college and works as an elementary school teacher. She proudly identifies as a Black feminist and worked as an activist for the rights of Black women while in college. On this episode, she shares how difficult she found adjusting to adulthood once she left the community of sisterhood that formed while in her all-girls’ high school and continued as the friends she made there remained in close proximity to each other. A key difficulty Adanna encountered in post-college life was not having as easy access to this sisterhood once adulthood hit and everyone went their separate ways to start their lives. Adanna struggled to figure out how to assert herself at work without reinforcing the “angry black woman” trope she instinctively knew would be impossible to overcome. Adanna also shares how romantic relationships presented challenges as well because she was committed to being her authentic feminist self in every aspect of life. She discovered that the men who were attracted to her assertiveness and commitment to self didn’t support this self-preservation if it disrupted the narrative of how a black woman should conduct herself in a heterosexual relationship. She reminisces about what she learned from watching her mother put her own needs on the back burner as she supported her husband and cared for her children. Adanna commits herself to centering herself always – even when/if she decides to take on a traditional nuclear family. Out of all the lessons Adanna has learned in this year and a half of “grown up life,” the most important is to acknowledge her own self-worth, absent of her ability to please others. “I’ve learned that my value is not based on what I can do for other people or what I can give them,” Adanna says. “I, myself, am valuable just because I am me.”

Listen to the episode below and then subscribe wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E41: Tameshia Found More of Herself Living Abroad

Entrepreneur and traveler, Tameshia Ridge started her international life like many millennials: she did a study abroad program that placed her in East Africa. In this episode, she explains how her ambition to eventually become a diplomat shifted once she had spent some time interning with the Rwandan government. Having connected with No Thanks: Black, Female and Living in The Martyr-Free Zone, Tameshia shares that the questions which propelled Keturah to move abroad were the same questions that inspired her to leave Rwanda and relocate to the west side of Africa. Noting that much of the book resonated with her, Tameshia focuses on the theme that unlike what many assume, working in Africa wasn’t transformative, missionary work. She expresses how ridiculous such an assumption is, particularly, when you are an educated American expat. “You end up trading one system of oppression (racism) for another. In Africa, that’s classism.” Being honest about the western privilege many Black American expats won’t talk about, Tameshia explains that she’s been able to accomplish so much overseas because of her passport privilege. To further her mission to debunk myths about being Black and American in Africa, she is candid when girlfriends ask her about moving to the continent to find their African king and get citizenship. “I only have my story about dating and what I know is factual about Ghana’s right to abode laws.” Tameshia also probes Keturah about a sentence in No Thanks in which she refers to her time abroad better equipping her for “self-salvation.” This leads into an insightful discussion about how it becomes easier to own your truth when you are constantly confronted with a culture that challenges who you are at your very core. Tameshia thanks Keturah for writing No Thanks, stating, “If I had this book eight years ago when I first moved to Africa, it would have made my landing a bit easier. I would have had the language for what I was feeling and experiencing.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E40: Soul Sisters Book Club Discussion

Keturah Kendrick chats with The Soul Sisters Book Club about No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Based in Tennessee, the group discusses how they identified with Keturah’s observations about how marriage is dangled in front of single women like a carrot and the condescension that results when you are a single woman who doesn’t really care about that carrot. Several members share their own stories of not desiring marriage and having their words questioned, their values judged. Because of this, the group discusses in depth how often black women, in particular, aren’t believed. Whether it is about their own condition or even their pain, there is a persistent denial that the black woman herself is telling the truth about her existence. The club also asks Keturah questions about being an atheist and probe her for greater detail about living abroad. One member talks about defending her own nonbelief to a stranger in the grocery store and how this, too, is another aspect of black womanhood that is not believed as one’s truth. There is discussion of how many women around the world don’t know their own worth and Keturah shares anecdotes of women she’s met in her travels who succumb to the message that they are either not enough or too much. The women also probe Keturah about the candor in her essays about living in Rwanda and China. From loneliness to western privilege to still having to navigate white foolishness, Keturah goes into greater depth about what the expat life is like for single, black women abroad. Moderated by performance artist, speaker and reader, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, the women discuss the depth of the book’s content with laughter and lightness. “I love that this book gives you the sense that whatever you feel in your heart is okay,” a soul sister says. “And the older I get, the more that is me.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

S2, E39: Angela Finds Freedom in Options

Leader of the Sistahs in the Story Book Club, Angela Smith goes into greater detail about connections she had to No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Referring to stories from the book club discussion in episodes 37 and 38, Angela explains how the female members of her family accosted her at a cookout because she was approaching her 40s and didn’t have children. She shares why she believes even her closest friends have questioned her choice to remain childfree: they never considered any other option for themselves and her presence shows them that there were many. Angela also retells the story of choosing to end a long-term relationship instead of following her boyfriend of 14 years across the country. She reflects on how shocked her boyfriend was when she said she had no interest in uprooting her life and moving to another state. This leads into a discussion about the outdated mindset that a woman’s greatest desire is to be chosen by a good man. Angela notes that it has only been a few decades since women could not even get a credit card without a husband’s signature. Therefore, she is unsurprised that her former beau assumed she would move away with him so he would continue to choose her. Angela is unbothered by what people assume she should do. A true free black woman, she casually says, “I find freedom in having options. And as long as there are options out there to have, I will keep taking them.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E37: Sistahs in the Story Book Club (Part 1)

Keturah Kendrick chats with The Sistahs in the Story Book Club about No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Based in Illinois, the group of friends wanted to talk about why they identified with certain themes, had questions about others and general thoughts on the book’s importance and relevance. Moderated by performance artist, speaker and reader, Dr. Kimberly Chandler, the women discuss the depth of the book’s content with laughter and lightness. One sistah shares her story of her 21-year-old self marrying the father of her child even though her gut was telling her it was a huge mistake. “He was a liar and a cheater and I knew it and still married him anyway. That’s really sad.” Another sistah entertains the group with her story of being cornered at a family cookout and told by the women in her family it was time for her to start using her womb for the reason God had given it to her. “They called my grandma over too and all of a sudden it turned into this whole thing where everyone was dissecting what was wrong with me because I didn’t want kids.” Sprinkled in with anecdotes from Keturah’s own experiences while on book tour and Kimberly’s personal choices that have also caused pushback in her church community and others, The Sistahs in the Story Book Club probe deep into the messages of No Thanks and courageously share their connections to it.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E35: Montyy is Comfortable with Not Being Included

Host of the bold and unapologetic podcast, Comfortably Excluded, Montyy Taj grew up often being the “only one.” She was bussed into a “better” school district and enrolled in Advanced Placement courses so she became used to being the Black kid who was excluded from the social network whiteness and middle class status bring. In addition to her podcast, Montyy is also working on a documentary, Running with My Girls, about women of color in Denver who are campaigning for political office. In this episode, Montyy explains how the idea for her podcast was born out of her journey to get comfortable with not being included in spaces that were unwelcoming to her. She brings on guests who have found a way to create thriving lives for themselves in spaces where they are not organically included and also shares her perspectives on pop culture happenings. Her goal is to move the show in a slightly different direction, featuring the voices of Black Denver residents, specifically, whose presence in the city is often invisible as white power structures actively seek to erase them. Montyy also shares her frustration with the silence surrounding the invisibility of Black queer and transwomen. Since she grounds her own work in the Black community, it is difficult for her to reconcile the community’s allegiance to the safety and humanity of the heterosexual male with its indifference to the record number of murders of queer and transwomen. She connects this apathy to how deeply engrained patriarchal structures are in every aspect of society – its grip on socially conservative Black folk especially tight. This truth makes Montyy all the more aware of how difficult it is for a Black woman to claim freedom. “It is a moving target, an ever going, uphill battle – especially for the Black woman,” she says. “But, I find freedom when I take back my narrative and give myself permission to find my own way.”

Listen to the episode below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E33: Cole Travels the World Alone and With Sisterfriends

Travel Enthusiast and Accidental Entrepreneur, Cole Banks started Sisters Traveling Solo as a Facebook group. It was her response to an internet debate that discouraged Black women, particularly, from traveling the world unaccompanied. In this episode, Cole talks about the overnight success of that Facebook group. She had to quit a good job (that she enjoyed) unexpectantly when she went from hosting five trips in one year to putting together a team that organized twenty before the year ended. Cole shares that Sisters Traveling Solo is now much more than a Facebook group and successful business. It is a platform for Black women to share their joy exploring the world on their own and to build community for when they want to be in Peru with twenty other Black women in addition to sightseeing in Spain alone. She says that the fear family and friends often project onto single women when they get wanderlust is not allowed in the Facebook group that now boasts 70,000 members. She and her team have worked hard to create a space where statements like, “I am afraid to go here” don’t pop up in threads. Instead, the group has an abundance of “I took my first solo trip and I loved it!” posts that garner hundreds of support responses and impromptu trips among the members. In addition to sharing how much joy she gets from watching total strangers become best friends over the course of a week-long trip, Cole is honest about the amount of time and work she has to do to make sure her customers never see or feel how much has gone into their seamless trips. She talks about the realities of having this new good job (that she enjoys) in which she is “on vacation” more times than she is at home. While she is filled with gratitude for how well her business is doing, she admits she’s trying to find balance between organizing others’ memorable vacations and having enough free time to go on her own, even if it’s just to relax without a phone or laptop for a few days. All in all, she is content with her choice to leave her cushy job. “I don’t ever forget I have the life many people dream of,” Cole states. “I set my own schedule and make my own rules. I am always having a new experience in a different part of the world. I know that is no small thing.” It is also no small thing that she has turned this dream job into a million-dollar company in only three years.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E32: Chineka Found Her Tribe in China

A native of Chicago, Chineka Nikko is at her happiest when she is inspiring others to be their best self and shining her positive light on the accomplishments of women who do the same. A poet, inspirational speaker and all around giving human being, she has seen her work and platform as an artist grow since moving to China. In this episode, she shares how her first experience living overseas was through military service and her current experience came after having no other choice but to leave Chicago. A sudden job loss along with an invitation from an old friend to move to Asia were the perfect combination for Chineka to start a new life. She has no regrets and feels it is the best decision she’s ever made. She has had no trouble finding work and has seen what was once a glorified hobby turn into a platform as a speaker and poet. She explains how quickly things happen in China and how many times what she thought of as a small, community event at which she had been asked to speak turned out to be a “big deal with news crews and cameras and more people asking me to write other stuff for them.” Chineka also addresses what is a recurring question by family and friends back home: “But, are there Black people in China, though?” She laughs as she cites all the Black people she has met from all across the diaspora since moving to China. She tries to be humble as she says she has about a hundred friends who, at any given moment, would offer her their bed, food, money and even a job if she needed it. She quickly confesses she low balled the number and has more like two hundred members of her tribe; the vast majority of them are Black. Though she had (and still has) a supportive network of people in Chicago, something about her network in China has resulted in Chineka being free to explore a much fuller version of herself. “It’s almost like I am living in a dream. It’s hard to explain, but I have accomplished and grown so much in my three years here. I have had to force myself to slow down.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

S2, E31: Keturah Got Some Shit She Need To Say

Popular guest from Season 1, Tracy Adams, returns to talk to Keturah about her new book, No Thanks: Black, Female, and Living in the Martyr-Free Zone. Having known Keturah as a friend and blogger for a decade, Tracy wanted to learn about why Keturah chose to document some of their personal conversations and topics she’s written about many times on her blog, Yet Another Single Gal, in this new collection of essays. Keturah explains that two years spent in Africa and the death of musical icon, Prince, were pivotal moments that compelled her to commit to sharing her insights about being a woman whose lifestyle choices center her needs and the pushback she and other Black women endure when they make such choices. Keturah talks about how living abroad has impacted the way she looks at patriarchy and whiteness. She explains that many women she has encountered surrender to both. In her book she tells their stories as well as those whose very lives challenge both systems with bold defiance. When asked if readers of No Thanks will be rewarded with a detailed instruction of how to get free, Keturah responds with her trademark authenticity and wit. “I don’t want women to pick up this book because they watched every episode of Iyanla’s Fix My Life and their life is not yet fixed.” Keturah laughs as she asserts: “You don’t need me or Iyanla to fix your life. You already know how to do it. You just may not be talking with yourself enough. But, you already know what does and does not need fixing. You also know why you ain’t fixing it…yet.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your favorite podcasts.

Ep 15: Damia Created a Space That Celebrates Single Women

Like many young girls, Damia Jackson assumed she would be married one day. Though she never focused exclusively on finding a husband, she assumed somewhere in her 30s, there’d be one living in her home. Now, as a 46-year-old woman who has never married, Damia sees a great need for the blog she created, Single Girls Rock. In this episode, she talks about realizing there were no spaces that spoke to single women from a place of normalcy. Much of what she encountered seemed to come from the premise of: Here is what is wrong with you and what you need to do to get a man. For Damia, these spaces were not very helpful. She had come to see her life as a conscious choice even though marriage had been an institution she once desired. By her mid-30s, she had decided to stop waiting on a spouse in order to have certain experiences like buying a house or traveling to her dream destinations. Through Single Girls Rock, Damia has connected with women all around the world who share her story of choosing singlehood and finding joy in their lives. “I have freed myself from the notion that a romantic relationship is the most important one I should focus on,” Damia says. “I also have freed myself from the belief that to be single is to be completely alone and never need anyone.” Aside from showing vulnerability to friends, lovers and family members, Damia believes seeking the help of the people in her life is key to being a woman who is healthy and happy.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.