A bi-sexual woman, Olivia Lollis did not know she could choose other love structures besides monogamy. She knew of polygamy and found the practice unfair and sexist so she practiced monogamy almost out of ignorance. With no knowledge of other forms of ethical non-monogamy, she ended up partnering with one man at a time. On this episode, she talks about discovering swinging as a single woman and exploring this form of non-monogamy on her own before meeting and marrying a man who was also interested in the practice. She was soon to learn that control of women’s sexuality was not unique just to monogamy. As a swinging couple, her husband wanted to control every aspect of who they partnered with, only consenting to an encounter when the woman fit his standards. When Olivia began to desire more than just sex with one particular woman, her husband tried to guilt her for wanting to fully practice polyamory. She began to realize that her sexuality had to be expressed through him while not threatening his ego. Olivia also talks about coming to the realization that her partnerships with heterosexual men often led to them exploiting her bisexuality for their own personal gain. It was when she decided being solo poly was best for her that she began to figure out a relationship configuration that worked. She now has multiple relationships that are separate from each other. She no longer shies away from letting a heterosexual male partner know that when she says “I am looking for a girlfriend,” it means a girlfriend for her and her alone. “I have freed myself from being sexual property,” Olivia says. “I am my primary partner and all others are secondary.” Olivia asserts that she wants her cake and to eat it, too. And she is no longer allowing men access to the recipe.
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