Home » Podcast posts » Page 5

Category: Podcast posts

Ep 12: Phyllis Evolves in Her Role as A Wife

When she was 19 years old, Phyllis Brown began dating her husband because she wanted to lose her virginity to this fun and charismatic guy with whom she connected immediately. The man she had chosen to “pop my cherry” became her boyfriend of ten years and has been her husband for another ten. In this episode, she shares how the last twenty years with her husband have seen her grow in her own identity and evolve from the young woman who believed the only way to be a partner was to take care of the king of the house and honor his every word. Given this partner prototype by the women in her family, Phyllis had no idea that a wife could have an identity outside of her husband. Because she was so young when she met her husband, her naiveté allowed his powerful personae to overshadow her. As they have both grown in the relationship, she has had several discussions with him about what makes her happy and how she needs the marriage to progress in order to still be his wife and herself at the same time. Phyllis and her husband identify as polyamorous so they both maintain relationships outside of their marriage. She credits the support of her husband and the guidance of her two other partners in helping her reclaim herself and redefine happiness as she reaches the other side of forty. “It is important to learn how to be selfish,” Phyllis says. “I still have to work through guilt when I choose myself over my husband and home, but I am getting better at it.”

Ep 11: Gabrielle, An Atheist in the Bible Belt South

A retired member of the military, Gabrielle Tolliver began questioning what she was taught in Sunday school early into her childhood. While the adults in her family were not frequent attenders of church, they did require the children go to service as often as possible. When Gabrielle challenged the inconsistencies and cruelties taught in Sunday School lessons, she was chided with: “You are just too young to understand.” In this episode, she talks about being a nonbeliever in North Carolina, where church and god are as deeply woven into the culture as speaking to strangers and asking after a casual acquaintance’s Mama. From missionaries knocking on her door offering her salvation through Christ to grocery store clerks wishing her God’s blessings, Gabrielle often has to “out” herself as an atheist even when she’d rather just sit at home and watch television with her wife or buy broccoli at the supermarket for that night’s dinner. Gabrielle dismisses the suggestion that because she does not believe in a supernatural deity, she does not have a solid moral code. She finds it insulting to imply a person needs some force outside themselves to influence their decision to be a decent human being. “I don’t need a sky pappy to tell me when I’ve wronged another person or harmed a defenseless animal,” Gabrielle explains. “I don’t need the god gap to fill in the blanks about the world for me.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

Ep 10: Kimberly is a Minister Who No Longer Needs Religion

A professor and performer, Dr. Kimberly Chandler has a long history with the Christian church. When she organized a family reunion and there was a requisite Sunday church service planned, she did not have to corral her people to a house of worship. Between the licensed ministers, choir directors, lead sopranos, ushers and first ladies among her family members, the Chandlers had their own church service right where they had their barbecue the day before. In this episode, she reveals why she no longer has a place for “manmade” religion in her life. A licensed minister, she experienced firsthand the sexism and commitment to rigid gender roles that keep many forward-thinking women away from churches. She maintains that the sexist pushback she felt as a woman active in the church has nothing to do with scripture. It is more about how men relate to women and the stain of toxic masculinity. Her own father – a minister himself – discouraged her from responding to the call she received from God. Dr. Chandler does not resent her father and faithful Christians who truly believe that it is God’s will to abdicate leadership to males who then serve as overseers to the women doing most of the work on these religious “plantations.” She knows the “black church” is a diverse entity and in today’s world, she believes one can find a church home that matches one’s progressive ideals. As she articulates where she is on her spiritual journey, she talks about freeing herself from the image of the Angry God who rules with punishment. Having overcome mental breakdowns in the past, Kimberly decided, “I had no choice but to to free myself from the belief that God was out to get me. I had to take care of myself spiritually and emotionally.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

Ep 9: Kyndra’s God Accepts Her Sexuality (And So Does She)

A clinical social worker and Associate Pastor at First Corinthian Baptist Church (FCBC) in New York City, Kyndra Frazier felt called to ministry while still a child. She was very active in youth activities and felt comfortable sitting in the pews at the Church of God. In this episode, she shares how she spent years doing everything but formally ministering to fellow Christians. When the opportunity to serve presented itself at FCBC, she accepted it with no hesitation. At FCBC, Kyndra has been charged with spearheading and serving as executive director of the church’s free mental wellness clinic, The Hope Center. Equally important, she has shown the LGBTQ community that it is possible to be a disciple of Christ while living in the fullness of your sexuality – even if it that sexuality does not conform to the heteronormative narrative. From the pulpit, she has shared her story of trying to pray her same-sex attraction away and sitting silently as a family member shamed her for being unsuccessful at faking heterosexuality. Kyndra’s message of God-Has-No-Problem-With-Who-You-Are has made the LGBTQ congregants feel accepted and included when they come through the doors of FCBC to worship. A trained theologian with a Masters of Divinity degree from Emory University, Kyndra discusses why many black churches are not ready to move (en masse) to progressive theologies. She believes that not enough church leaders have the courage to preach progressive interpretations of the Bible. Though their training and own critical thinking skills have brought them to new ways of looking at the Bible, fear causes them to continue teaching theology that is accepted as truth. “I find it odd when people say, ‘The Bible says this’ because the Bible doesn’t really say anything. It just reads a certain way,” Kyndra states. It is through her work with FCBC and her forthcoming documentary, A Love Supreme: Black, Queer and Christian in the South, that Kyndra does the noble work of Jesus by reading the Christian holy book as a document that includes all.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

Ep 8: Tracy Chose Herself Over Her Husband

Like many people, Tracy Adams envisioned herself someday partnered with “that one special person for life.” Though there was a period in her 20s when she tried to suppress this desire, she dated with the hope of ultimately meeting a life partner. In this episode, Tracy talks about her decision to end her marriage three years into it. After summarizing the courtship with her ex, she explains how she came to the decision that the marriage was not worth continuing. Early into their new marriage, she discovered her partner had not completely disclosed an issue with her. While the issue was of a sensitive nature and did not make her husband a horrible person, Tracy knew that to support him through this issue she would have to deplete herself emotionally. She suggests that many black women are socialized to see such tedious emotional labor as their full responsibility in a partnership. So, they offer this labor freely without much thought to what they have to sacrifice in order to perform such endless work. Having experienced an extreme emotional low when she was younger, Tracy was committed to never putting herself at risk to reach that point again. In order not to repeat that year when she was so depressed that she never left the couch, divorce had to happen. Post-divorce, she remains grateful that she chose her joy and emotional health over her marriage. “I have freed myself from the belief that black women should put everyone else before themselves,” Tracy says. “I will always center myself in my life because only I am responsible for saving, for sustaining me.”

Listen below and then leave a review on Itunes, Stitcher, Google Play or Tune In.

Ep 7: Ebony Won’t Be Birthing Babies (Yes, Her Husband Knows)

When 35-year-old Ebony Murphy-Root reflects on her childhood and young adulthood, she can not recall a moment when motherhood was a role she desired. What does remain prominent in her mind are memories of her father’s sister who was unmarried with no children. A homeowner with a good job and a full social calendar, Ebony’s aunt was always laughing and off to do something that looked fun and exciting. It left an impression on young Ebony who relished the time she spent with her auntie. In this episode, Ebony challenges the myth that no man will marry a woman who does not want to have his children. She met her husband when she was 26-years-old and they found common ground on wanting a childfree life early into their courtship. Even before meeting Mr. Murphy-Root, Ebony says dating did not present her with anymore challenges than the usual ones for young women. She dated across racial lines and was never one to present herself as someone she was not. As a result, she was not short of gentlemen callers. Ebony also shares her perspective on why black women, particularly, are met with pushback and judgment when they are vocal about having no desire to mother. “In black communities, the belief that a woman’s resources – her time, her energy, her money – are community property is much more pronounced than it is in mainstream culture,” Ebony explains. “So when you say you are opting out of the biggest way to suck up all of a woman’s resources, people definitely will feel a certain type of way. Especially since many believe black women are not even entitled to have choices in the first place.” Ebony remains unbothered by people’s feelings, of course. She knows she is not the first black woman to live a life many believe she has no right to live. Nor will she be the last.

Listen below and then leave a review on Itunes, Stitcher, Google Play or Tune In.

Ep 6: Donna Became a Global Citizen at Sixteen

On her 16th birthday, Donnalee Donaldson was serenaded by the staff at the American Embassy in Kingston, Jamaica. Having earned a full scholarship to a top university, the woman who was processing her visa paperwork demanded that everyone clap for this bright young girl who was leaving her mother to go off to the land of opportunity while still a teenager. Four years later, Donna was in law school at Emory University, the youngest of her classmates. In this episode, she talks about her decision to leave a burgeoning law career in New York City to return to Jamaica. She was only in Jamaica for two months before she decided to relocate to Kigali, Rwanda with a job in education reform. Though not what her family and friends imagined for the “girl from Montego Bay who made good,” Donnalee shares that living in and traveling around Africa has made her appreciate the excellence of the black diaspora. She has also gained an appreciation for the privileges she enjoys as a single, professional woman with disposable income: advancement in a field that is challenging and rewarding, learning how to navigate the pitfalls that occur when you are a young professional and have advanced farther than some senior members of your team and of course, the ability to travel across the African continent and connect with other young black professionals. Always humble, Donnalee does not understand why others are impressed with her life. She maintains that she just did what girls from poor neighborhoods in Jamaica do: worked hard in school so she could get a scholarship to a good college outside of Jamaica and become a lawyer or doctor. She laughs as she remembers the concern all of Montego Bay expressed when she first announced she was leaving America to come back to Jamaica and then followed that questionable decision with leaving Jamaica to go to Africa. “I have freed myself from the belief that is prevalent in many developing countries,” Donna says. “The belief that there is only one path one must take, only one way to make your mama proud: go to a western country and become a lawyer, teacher or doctor. Remain a lawyer, teacher or doctor for thirty years.” Donna now realizes the only path worth pursuing is the one that makes you feel happy and at peace.

Listen below and then subscribe to the show on Itunes, Stitcher, Google Play or Tune In.

Ep 5: Dana Needed Something Different

42-year-old mother of two, Dana Day never planned to leave the comforts of Atlanta – much less America. A co worker’s stories about working abroad prompted Dana to apply for a position just to see what would happen. Six weeks later, she was preparing to move to Kuwait. In this episode, she explains that though her family was excited about her move, her ex-husband had apprehensions about his preteen daughters being shipped to the Middle East. Three years and two countries later, her ex now sees how beneficial living outside of the U.S. has been for his girls. They get exposed to diverse cultures and languages. They participate in activities that would be financially impossible if they were back in the United States. Dana explains why living in Kuwait and Thailand have been immense growth opportunities for her. She has learned to trust herself and listen to her gut more. She has been forced to be more patient when language barriers and cultural differences make simple errands complicated. She has been enjoying her time abroad so much, Dana has tried to back track on a promise to her daughters that they would return home when it was time for them to graduate from high school. In fact, she is hesitant to commit to ever repatriating to America. “There is just so much tension in the states right now,” Dana sighs. “I wanted something new; I wanted more. And I really just feel freer when I am not in America.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show on Itunes, Stitcher, Google Play or Tune In.

Ep 4: Lizette Found Freedom in Buddhism

Born and bred in the boogie down Bronx, Lizette Morehead had the fortune of being allowed full agency over her spiritual life. Although her mother read the Bible as regularly as she watched Reverend Ike, she told Lizette she only had to go to church if she wanted to. Since she went to a Catholic elementary school, being Catholic (like all her friends) made sense to a young Lizette. In this episode, she explains that the more she matured into a young woman, the less useful Catholicism became for her complex life. She was riddled with guilt and found the concepts of sin and repentance made the mere act of being human something of which to be ashamed. In a defining moment, she sat in Mass wondering who the priest was talking to because she felt no connection to anything he said. The next day, a co worker introduced her to Nichiren Diashonin’s Buddhism and Lizette’s life changed for the better. She shares what practicing Buddhism does for her and how it has been at the center of every decision she’s made over the last thirteen years. She talks about using the principles she learned in Buddhism to withstand her family’s passive-aggressive attempts to trivialize her spiritual practice. She was drawn to Buddhism because it did not teach reliance on a deity to perform a miracle or transform your life. “This practice insists it is up to me to move the universe in the direction I want it to go,” Lizette says passionately. “It is about me and how much I am willing to put into it.”

Listen below and then subscribe to the show on Itunes, Stitcher, Google Play or Tune In.

Ep 3: Danyelle Drops the Real Story of Ruth

Chief content contributor for UnfitChristain.com, D. Danyelle Thomas, grew up as a preacher’s kid. She assumed homophobia, sexism and the pursuit of respectability were just unquestionable tenets of the gospel of Jesus Christ. As she evolved in her spirituality so did her theology. In this episode, she shares how she chose to remove the belief in an actual hell from her theology and to fight against purity culture that is prevalent in many evangelical churches. This culture, exclusively aimed at Christian women, encourages single women to connect abstinence and conservative sexual mores to a closeness to God. Or more precisely an effective link to marriage. A crucial reason why Danyelle fights against purity culture is her discovery of the real story of the consummate good girl: Ruth. Once Danyelle researched the translation of a key word in the biblical text of Ruth and Boaz’s romance (as orchestrated by her mother-in-law, Naomi), she found that the way the story had been pitched to many a young single Christian woman was in direct contrast to the actual way Ruth and Naomi got down. “Basically, Naomi needed to secure that bag,” Danyelle quips. “So, Ruth had survival sex with Boaz.” The moral of this real Ruth story, according to Danyelle, is just as different as the way the story has been sold to generations of godly women.

 
Listen below and then subscribe to the show on Itunes, Stitcher, Google Play or Tune In.